The Husband (right after returning the watch I got him for Father's Day): I'm sending you a link. I want this watch
Me: Ok, I'll see what I can do.
One week later...
The Husband: Did you read my emails?
Me: You mean the twelve emails that all contained the same link to THE WATCH?
TH: Oh, I sent more than one?
Me: Yes, I saw them...very nice watch.
TH: I want it.
Me: I don't know if it's going to happen, money is tight, I'll try.
Fast Forward to a couple days before the husband's birthday; hundreds of links emailed and IM'd to me of the damn watch later. The watch is in my possession and hiding out at my mother's.
Me: Let's imagine you already own the watch of your dreams, what would you want for your birthday?
TH: I want that watch.
Me: I know, I'm talking hypothetically, pay attention...what if you already owned that watch? What would you then want for your birthday? Come on, play along.
TH: No, you don't get it...I WANT THAT WATCH. I don't want you to go out and get me anything else. I WANT THAT WATCH. If you're not getting me that watch, I don't want anything at all.
Me: I understand, I know you want it, but...
TH: No buts...you've had plenty of notice...I want THAT watch or NOTHING AT ALL.
I leave the apartment.
Good thing the watch wasn't in the apartment because, in the past, at this point, I would have gotten it out and thrown it at his head.
The Husband's birthday is on a Sunday, he's worked the night before. While I had originally planned to torture him and not give it to him till later that evening, I relent and decide I'd be the one that was tortured so he gets it as soon as he walks in the door. Much whooping, hollering and smiling follows. We spend most of the day admiring the watch. He makes me tell him, repeatedly, that it's a beautiful, cool, awesome, wonderful watch.
Two days later...he calls me at the office.
TH: I have some bad news.
He was just at a swimming lesson with my son, my heart starts to pound, I break out into a cold sweat.
Me: WHAT'S WRONG!
TH: (sighs) I got water in my watch.
Much yelling and name-calling follows. Women will understand why I was upset, men would understand HIS point of view...
TH: But it's waterproof! That's why I got it!
Mind you, dear reader, the only time my husband (a non-swimmer) is in a pool is when he takes our son to swimming lessons or when we go to our friends house.
Me: But WHY! WHY couldn't you just take the damn thing off and leave it in your bag.
TH: BUT ITS WATERPROOF!!!
He calls Fossil. They tell him they'll send him a return slip. It doesn't arrive fast enough. Once it does, I don't get the package to UPS fast enough. He calls many times a day asking me to check the status of the shipment online. When he knows its arrived at Fossil headquarters, he gives it a day before he starts his phone calls to THEM.
After the first call...they've not processed the watch yet.
Next day...they've not processed the watch yet. Immediately after hanging up with Fossil, he calls me at work to YELL at me...like I can do anything about it. He apologizes for yelling.
Third day...they're looking at the watch. He calls me next. YELLING that when he calls tomorrow if they've NOT shipped out a new one to him he's telling them to cancel the order and credit my card. I beg and plead with him to NOT do this, for purely selfish reasons. I have NO DESIRE to start out on a hunt for THE WATCH again.
Today...
TH: Check your credit card online...see if they've credited you yet.
Me: You didn't! I can't believe you! Why!?!? Why can't you just be patient like a normal person?
TH: Wait, I'm not finished...I have to call them back tomorrow for the tracking number.
Me: A tracking number for what? You mean a confirmation number for crediting my card?
TH: NOPE (I can hear the grin in his voice) the tracking number for the watch they're sending me.
Me: I don't understand.
TH: They're crediting the card and sending me the watch...FOR FREE!
Me (speechless)
TH: Are you proud of me? Aren't you happy?
Me: Yeah. OK, sure.
TH: So...what are you getting me for my birthday?
I hang up.
